yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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