He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
