I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
