I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize