Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
