and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
