shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize