So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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