every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
its not stalking. its research.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
