i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
