look no pants
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
