a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize