hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
