can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize