His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
