Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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