I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
