with your own penis?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
