is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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