I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
