The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
