sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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