just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize