I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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