it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Too much gin, very little bucket
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
