yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
