i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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