well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
