I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
