i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize