this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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