I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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