On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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