Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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