Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
