I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
