I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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