There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
