So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im holly from the hills drunk
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
