Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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