normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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