we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
