Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Apparently you make a good broom.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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