did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
