dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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