Someone shit on the floor
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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