i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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