The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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