Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
