I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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