Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
