I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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