So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
