drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
