Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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