So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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