I want to have your abortion
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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