im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
