I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
