If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
