Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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