I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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