btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
