threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
