It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize