so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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