Do you still have your period?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
