Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
