ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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