Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
